Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
