i permit you to call me
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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