I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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