I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
