Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
