then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
