that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
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Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
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This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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