so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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