So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
