I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You made out with two different species that night
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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