God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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