Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
