I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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