i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
