I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Can Purell be used as lube?
Someone shit on the floor
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize