is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
