he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
