so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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