Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
