he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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