What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
