i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
