There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
