help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
