I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
