Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
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he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
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Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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