fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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