dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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