Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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