Me. At least after what I've been through.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
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Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
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Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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