I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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