My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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