she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
