Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
soo... how was my night?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
