Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
