btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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