Four minutes until I can fart!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
