I skipped work to stalk him.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
