and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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