It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
