Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
