If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
