you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
