I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
