So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Randomize
