I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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