SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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