cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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