somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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