im gay
i know
yea but for you.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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