So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
