I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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