Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS