you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..