Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.