I'm so fucking centered right now
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.