just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
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Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
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Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is