Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
