That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
