He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
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I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
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He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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